What if the most important thing you could say at work is, “I don’t know”?
For me, it opened up the world.
The Best Advice I Ever Received
Early in my career, I was on the fast track to a senior manager position. I remember sitting down with the senior partner to discuss my promotion— I was excited, but also nervous about what it meant: more visibility, more responsibility, and higher expectations.
Then, he gave me the best piece of professional advice I’ve ever received:
“If you don’t know the answer, just say so. ‘I don’t know’ is a perfectly acceptable response.”
He reminded me that while our clients pay us for our knowledge, we weren’t expected to know everything. “You’re at a firm that can get the answer,” he said. “Your job is to say ‘I don’t know’ — and then go find it.”
That was the moment I truly became a professional. I finally felt free to be curious, ask questions and learn.
The Trap of Certainty
Before that conversation, it wasn’t that I wasn’t successful. I worked hard, learned on the job, and advanced quickly. The difference was that I let the learnings come to me. I was passive and only learned what was presented.
I thought I was supposed to already know answers to questions I’d never seen. I’d sit quietly in meetings, letting the “more experienced” people take the lead, especially when the discussion turned too technical (I was a tax consultant at the time).
And while I learned, I limited myself on the depth of my learning. I didn’t outwardly admit that I didn’t know this or that. I didn’t ask questions to clarify the discussion.
If I wasn’t certain, I stayed quiet.
I didn’t actively engage in my learning — and I limited myself.
I let fear get the better of my curiosity.
How We Lose Our Curiosity
We are innately curious. It’s how we learn.
As children, we explored the world by asking endless questions – “Why is the sky blue?”, “Why do we have to eat broccoli?” and by poking, prodding, and experimenting with everything around us.
Yet somewhere along the way, things changed. School and our environment taught us that there are right and wrong answers. We learned to raise our hands only when we were certain and to avoid, as best we could, being called on when we didn’t know an answer.
Being “right” was rewarded with praise and compliments.
Not knowing was punished with shame, jeers, or disappointment.
These reactions trained us all in this very basic, yet erroneous, lesson:
- Being “right” was good.
- Not knowing was bad.
And, along the way, curiosity died.
It Starts with “I Don’t Know”
The good news is that this lesson can be unlearned – and it must be, if we want to keep growing.
If we believe not knowing is bad, we turn off the very basis for learning: curiosity.
When we are curious, we want to know more, dig deeper, and uncover ever more knowledge. We actively seek learning.
But to reach curiosity, we need to let go of the need for certainty and admit a lack of knowledge.
And it starts with “I don’t know.”
Reflecting on my own career trajectory, I know that if I continued to follow the old, erroneous lesson, my learning would have been severely limited. I would have stayed a passive learner. Worse, I might have felt pressured to “fake it until you make it”—which rarely leads to good outcomes. I would not have advanced.
Yet, when I realized I had permission to say “I don’t know,” I felt like a veil had been lifted. Suddenly, I could see opportunities to learn everywhere. I could actively lean into my learning.
And I arrived at a different lesson:
Admitting what you don’t know isn’t a flaw—it’s the beginning of real growth.
We cannot know everything. But we can choose to stay curious. The joy is in the discovery of knowledge.
And by embracing a lack of knowledge, curiosity is allowed to return, and we open ourselves up to more learning.
Try These Phrases
None of us likes to admit what we don’t know — but doing so to ourselves is the first step to knowing more.
Still, I don’t believe simply saying “I don’t know” will allow us to maintain an appropriate level of credibility – or gain us repeat opportunities.
The important lesson here is to admit our lack of knowledge to ourselves.
How and what we communicate to others can (and should) be a little more nuanced.
As a starting point, I’ll offer up some phrases I’ve used successfully over years:
- “There’s something tricky about that, let me double check.”
- “That’s a great question – let me dig in and circle back with a solid answer.”
- “That’s outside my lane, but I’ll find someone who knows it cold.”
- “My instinct tells me _____, but let me do a little work to validate that before giving a final answer.”
Key Takeaway
The higher we rise in an organization, the more dangerous the illusion of certainty becomes. Leaders aren’t paid to know everything. They’re paid to uncover the truth — and that often starts with “I don’t know.”
We’re often obsessed with having the answer. But the moment we cling to certainty, we suppress curiosity. And we stop learning.
Admit a lack of knowledge, and curiosity can return. We open ourselves up to learning and growth.
And we can all do that.
And it starts with “I don’t know”.
A special thank you:
And that senior partner long ago didn’t just promote me – he gave me permission to revive my curiosity. And I’ve been learning ever since.
(Thank you, Dave!)
Parting Thoughts
The next time you’re tempted to bluff your way through a tough question, try saying, “I don’t know—but I’ll find out.” You might be surprised at how much you learn—and how much trust you build.
And let me know: when was the last time admitting you didn’t know led to real growth?
