I had just announced our new direction.
I was confident. I had worked hard on this.
Around the table, my team nodded silently.
Some looked down at their notepads.
A few gave tight smiles.
One or two wore that polite, confused face people use when they’re waiting for the missing piece.
This moment was key. I needed these six people on my side.
I thought they were.
“Well, you appreciate bold,” someone said.
“Exactly!” I leaned in, ready to sell it.
Another added, “You seem committed to this.”
“Absolutely!” I smiled, mistaking the comment for agreement.
“Okay, what’s the plan? What do you need from us?”
Great, they were in. Or so I told myself.
I launched into the details.
We talked features, timelines, risks, and resources.
Lots of good questions. A few tweaks. Plenty of head-nods.
Three hours later, I walked out energized.
I told myself the team felt the momentum.
But when they left the room, their faces told a different story.
Worried. Unsure. Holding something back.
“Normal for any change,” I thought.
I was wrong.
Three Months of Resistance
Over the next three months, my bold new direction hit resistance at every turn.
They questioned rationale.
They slowed decisions.
They didn’t lean in.
My frustration simmered to a boil.
We obviously needed to adapt to the market, didn’t they see that?
Near the end, I simply reverted to telling people to “get on board!”
I told myself they were stuck. That change was hard.
Then, a former colleague asked me a simple question:
“Did your team accept the reason for the change?”
Uh…
Upon reflection, I had to admit the truth:
I focused on the change itself.
I skipped the foundational step to any change:
Establishing the reason for change that people actually accept.
A Trip to the Doctor
Years ago, my doctor told me my blood glucose level was pre-diabetic.
That sounded bad, but no alarm bells went off.
Over the next several years, my blood glucose level crept up.
Every time, my doctor told me I needed to lower it.
Each time, I politely ignored him.
I felt fine. I was active.
The consequences felt too far away to matter.
Then, one day, it hit me.
If I didn’t change, I’d end up on the diabetes drugs I saw advertised on television.
And, I really didn’t want that.
That was my moment. I found my “reason” for change.
Once I accepted that reason, change wasn’t hard. It was obvious.
Being told we should change is rarely enough.
For change to take hold, we have to accept the reason.
This is true for health.
It’s true for careers.
And it’s very true for teams.
What the Experts Say
My experience isn’t unique. The science around change has been consistent for decades:
- People don’t resist change.
- They resist changing without knowing why.
John Kotter: Leading Change
John Kotter studied more than 100 major organizational change efforts. His blunt conclusion: Over half fail because leaders never create a shared sense of urgency.
Not urgency as in “we need this done by Q4,” but urgency as in “here is the reality we cannot ignore.”
Without that foundation, teams treat change as optional or, worse, as a threat.
Kurt Lewin
Kurt Lewin’s classic change model says the first step isn’t the change itself. It’s unfreezing the current state: breaking the grip of how things are today.
People don’t move until they see the downside of staying the same.
Daniel Kahneman
Daniel Kahneman’s work on loss aversion applies here as well.
We’re wired to avoid losses more than we chase rewards.
Telling people “this new direction will help us win” is weak.
Showing them “here’s what we lose if we don’t move” is stronger.
Across leadership studies and psychology, the message is simple:
People don’t fight change.
They fight the absence of a reason.
My Team
My team wasn’t resisting the idea.
They simply didn’t feel the risk of standing still.
They were resisting the unknown.
I was pushing an idea onto a frozen team.
There’s also a well-known pattern in medicine.
Information -> Advice -> No Change.
Why? Because knowledge isn’t the trigger.
Acceptance is.
Patients only change when the reason becomes personal.
That was me with my glucose level.
Once the consequence became concrete, change became easy.
From Understanding to Acceptance
This is where most leaders (including me) fall down.
We half-heartedly explain the change (adapt to the market).
Yet, we don’t test for acceptance.
A simple test:
If your team can’t explain the reason for the change back to you in their own words, they haven’t accepted it yet.
You can help them get there by asking questions like:
- “What happens if we don’t change?”
- “What specifically becomes harder or riskier if we stay the same?”
Our goal isn’t to “sell” the change.
Our goal is to make the current state unacceptable.
Once the reason becomes clear and shared:
- Alignment forms.
- Momentum builds.
- People accelerate instead of resisting.
It’s not the change that’s hard.
A Little Change Reminder
Whatever change you’re trying to drive right now, ask yourself:
- Can my team see the reason?
- Can they feel it?
- Can they explain it back in their own words?
If not, you don’t have resistance.
You have missing reasons.
Only when the reason is real, visible, and accepted does the change have a chance.
That’s when people stop resisting and start running with you.
