We are taught to be team players.
We are taught that working together is how we succeed.
And when success comes, we are taught to share the glory.
But when failure arrives?
We know to take full responsibility.
Yet, most of the time, we don’t.
What is going on?
Let’s find out.
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The Fallacy of the “We”
Imagine leading a team on an important project.
Two statements might describe the outcome:
- We successfully met our quarterly goals.
- We failed to meet our quarterly goals.
In each case, we were the leader of the team.
In each case, we had a goal.
In the first case, we met our goals. Yay us!
We feel good and believe our contributions contributed positively to the win.
In the second case, we failed. Uh-oh.
But here’s the real question:
Did “We” fail? Or did “I” fail?
Yes, the team didn’t meet its objective.
But are we saying “We” to protect our ego?
Here is the fallacy:
We use “We” to reinforce the collectiveness of team.
BUT, using “We” will also unconsciously shift blame to others. Frank lacked the skills and Mary missed the deadline.
The sting of failure is thereby diffused.
Perhaps what we need is to look to “I” before we look to “We”.
Responsibility isn’t collective first. It starts with “I”.
I Lived the Fallacy
I’ve experienced this fallacy myself.
I was CEO and we weren’t hitting a goal.
In describing the failure, I used the “we” word.
I knew that I alone was not going to be enough for us to meet the objective.
I needed the team.
So, it was natural for me to show solidarity in the goal by using “We” to describe the situation.
In fact, the use of “I” was repugnant to me.
I felt using “I” placed me above the team.
That “I” was the only important person on the team.
So untrue.
Yet, using “We” spread the pain to others and made my failure less pronounced.
Using “We” made my failure as a leader less pronounced.
In fact, using “We” abdicated my individual responsibility in the failure.
Try this yourself by comparing these two statements:
- “We” failed; or
- “I” failed.
Which weighs more heavily?
I’m certain it’s the latter.
Who am I that…
Candidly, it took me some time to fully reconcile “I” vs “We”.
Eventually, I learned a better way.
And when I finally did, something strange happened.
I became much happier in both my professional and personal life.
The reason: I realized that I needed to put first what I was (or wasn’t) doing that contributed to the situation.
We tend to look for external reasons first, when we should be looking to ourselves as the starting point.
Asking “Who am I that...” as a start leads to better answers.
For example, “Who am I that…I am on team failing to meet its objective?”
Translation: What am “I” doing that is contributing to the situation?
This question is applicable to leaders and teammates alike.
As a teammate, perhaps I finished all the tasks I was assigned. Yet, I recognized that the team was still behind.
What did I do next? Sit back and point fingers?
Or did I look for places to help?
Not complain or just point out setbacks, but lean into the challenges and help how and where I could?
Who am I starts with ourselves.
“I” Aligned with the Team Objective
Saying “I” doesn’t make anyone more important than the team.
The truth is the opposite: a team only works when each of us takes responsibility first.
Success comes from a collection of “I’s”.
I finally realized using “I” was not being arrogant; it was being responsible.
And I became not only a better leader, but happier person as well.
I invite you to try it for yourself.
Key Takeaway
Professional norms have pushed us to think collectively.
There are many benefits to this collectiveness.
Yet, as I’ve said multiple times: If we are all responsible, then no one is.
Teams succeed or fail together.
Responsibility, however, always starts with “I”.
And we can remind ourselves of this with a simple question:
“Who am I that….”
